


Harbour My Deep Secret

by stupidrtblog



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Other, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-01-18 13:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1430056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidrtblog/pseuds/stupidrtblog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An Alternate Universe where Gavin Free was born Gabrielle Free, but knows that he was always meant to be Gavin Free, a boy, not a woman. Eighteen years later, he is cleared to go to America - where he meets Geoff and Griffon Ramsey. Not long after, he meets one Michael Jones and one Ray Narvaez Jr, two people who change his life forever - one for the better, the other for worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just This Once

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is chaptered and on-going. 
> 
> **There are gendered and transphobic slurs scattered throughout, so PLEASE be careful when reading.**
> 
> I will put a note at the beginning of each chapter that has any slurs in it if need be. 
> 
> This is based off of my own personal experiences and off of other's whom I know. It was written for a friend of mine, who has a headcanon about "what if Gavin was transgender?"
> 
> \------------------
> 
> There **ARE** slurs in this chapter. There is a brief mention of the word ~~faggot~~ , and ~~queer~~ in a derogatory sense. They will be struck out.

Gavin Free knew from the moment he was 7 that something had been different about him. It started in a local shop; a young Gabrielle Free walking with her mum in a clothing store. Her mother had been picking out different, "cute" clothes for her, but she just didn't feel any sort of attachment to them. Her eyes were already trained on other items of clothing - clothes "meant" for boys. She liked the neat dinosaurs and motorcycle and skull designs on the clothes. The idea of her looking like boy made her happy. Her mother took it for just being a tom boy. "Gabby, honey, come on, don't you like this pretty dress?" she'd asked her.

"No." Gabrielle replied, letting go of her mother's hand so she could go to the boy's section. She disappeared for a second, and reappeared with a shirt she saw one of her classmates wearing the day before. "Mummy, I like this!" she exclaimed, "Can I get this, mummy? I want to wear it!"

"Alright, but just this once." Her mother had replied. Though Gabrielle didn't know what she meant, she'd been ecstatic. She didn't know it yet, but she felt like being a girl wasn't right for her. She didn't feel like herself.

At age 13, Gabrielle became a woman. At age 13, Gabrielle cried herself to sleep every night, wishing that her breasts would stop growing and that she could keep wearing boy's clothes. Her mother had gotten rid of all of her old clothes because they simply didn't fit, but that didn't matter. She needed those clothes. She didn't like the new clothes her mother had gone out and bought her. They made her feel disgusting. "Mum, I don't bloody want these." she said, huffing out as she shoved a pair of cute panties and a cute little pyjama set back into her mother's arms. "I want my old clothes."

"Alright, but... but just this once." Her mother had replied. The next day, half of her new wardrobe had been returned and she got the clothes she wanted. She started to feel more like herself.

At age 14, Gabrielle decided she wasn't a woman. At age 14, Gabrielle discovered the Internet, and discovered the meaning of the word "transgender." Her mother didn't know it yet, but Gabrielle did. She walked downstairs, into the living room, and stood in front of the television. Her brother and sister were off with friends, and her father was at work. "Mum, I don't want you to call me Gabrielle anymore. I don't want you to call me your little girl anymore." she'd said, rocking back and forth on her heels. Her voice was nervous, yet certain. "I want to be called you little boy, like m'bruv. Please." she'd said. "Cos... I think it fits better."

It had been a shock to her mother. To _his_ mother. She didn't know how to take it. The newly-named Gavin fiddled with his thumbs, afraid that he'd done something wrong. It was only until after he looked up that he noticed she was crying; she knew full well what this meant. She knew full well what her daught--her _son_ would go through. But she had to make a decision. "M-Mum, don't... don't c-cry." Gavin had replied, rushing forward to sit next to her and wrap his arms around her.

"It's alright, little love." she replied, though she hugged back. His mother pulled away, wiping her tears from the corners of her eyes and her cheeks. Gavin could tell she looked emotionally exhausted already. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. "If... If you want to be my Gavino, then that's alright. _Ti amo più di ogni altra cosa_. If you want to be called a boy - if you want to be called Gavin - then that is okay." she said, smiling solemnly at her son.

Two months later, Gavin discovered Red vs Blue, some weird web series he'd only signed up for for the forums. Mostly because it gave him someone to talk to when he couldn't sleep at night, and when his days at school became unbearable from the other kids calling him a freak and a ~~faggot~~ and a ~~queer~~ and all kinds of other things. Here, he could _become_ Gavino without so much as a bit of Photoshop and his already-energetic personality. He felt more like himself here than he did in real life, but that was okay.

At age 15, Gavin was cleared for hormone therapy. It took a lot of fighting, a lot of crying and screaming, and a lot of rejections, but he got his testosterone and never in his life had he been happier than the day he finally got administered his first dose. It was mostly smooth sailing after that. His mother didn't know how to pull him out of public school, but that was okay. He could endure the bullying, he could endure the weird looks and getting pulled out of school for about an hour every so often to get his injections. He could endure the emotional pain he felt at home, with his sister rejecting him and his brother indifferent. He could endure it all.

Gavin was getting exactly what he wanted, he was becoming himself, and he'd never felt better. His mother had taken him to get binders, good ones that would make sure his breasts wouldn't be seen (not that it mattered, he'd been blessed with B cups that didn't grow much after the injections started) or too "out there."

At age 18, after so many conventions he'd set up for Red vs Blue, all the fan conventions, after letting his grades slip because he'd often skip school, after everything, he was cleared to go to America. At age 18, Gavin got top surgery. Though it wasn't his thing anymore, being a girl, his mother insisted he take a before and after picture. Reluctant, he agreed. He'd never, ever forget the look on his parents' face when he was being wheeled into the operation room. He'd never be able to figure out what all of the emotions in their faces were, but Gavin had an idea on some of them.

A week later, and he was out of the hospital, in pain, but so, so very happy. He felt more like a boy than he ever did, and he stared at himself in the mirror for hours for three days after just admiring the bandages on his chest. Of course, there'd be some scaring, but that didn't matter as long as he knew that he'd have a completely flat chest and a less curvy body.

Six weeks later, and he was on a plane to America. He panicked getting on the plane. He panicked while he was in the air. He panicked as they were landing.

_What if one of them found out? What if one of them knew?_

* * *

Gavin's fears didn't last very long by the time he was off the plane and searching for the curly head of hair that belonged to Burnie Burns. He was so terrified, but when he saw Burnie, it all melted away. If Burnie knew, he surely didn't show it, or just didn't give a shit. He was all smiles and so was Gavin as they closed to gap between them. Though Gavin lacked much facial hair, or really any amount of hair at the moment, he didn't look too much like his former self and he was happy about that. His face looked more like a boy's than a girl's and he had the tiniest patches of peach fuzz just dark enough to pass as facial hair. He did have hair on his legs though, so that was good, since he'd heard Austin was  _really_ warm in the summer. He smiled excitedly, more like a fan meeting an idol than a friend meeting a friend, and he didn't hesitate to fling his bags to the ground and fling himself at Burnie, who seemed to be with someone else; Gavin knew him as Geoff Ramsey, the guy who played Grif. He easily scooped up Gavin's bags and let the two have their moment, because Gavin was paying fuck all attention to him.

"You're really Burnie!" he replied, though he winced at how tight the man was hugging him. It wasn't unwelcome though, apart from the stinging pain that was his still-healing scars. He held onto Burnie for as long as he could before pulling back, his smile not faltering for a moment.

"I am really Burnie." he replied, smiling. "It feels like just yesterday we met at our first U.K convention, huh?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"W-Well, yeah, but still! S'really still you!" Gavin's voice might have broken, as does a kid going through puberty all over again. He clung to the man, holding onto his shirt as he was led through the airport to baggage claims; he'd be here for three months, staying at the Ramsey household - as Burnie told him on the way. He was excited, yet terrified. He knew Geoff and Griffon had a little girl in their home, and also there was Griffon. He bit down on his lip. So many people he'd have to tell, especially if he'd be living with them for this long...

As if like clockwork, Geoff spoke up at a rather large looking suitcase that didn't weigh as much as it looked. It shook, too, as if there were twelve hundred bottles of pills in it (which, there wasn't, but the number was close). "Hey, kiddo, what's this? Your secret drug stash you're trying to hide from us?" His tone was, of course, joking, but Gavin froze up, quick to defend himself.

"Wha---no! S'just... some stuff." he mumbled, grabbing it from Geoff a little coldly. He made sure it didn't make any more noise as they walked to Burnie's pick up, where his luggage was secured on the bed of the truck and he was secured with a window seat to save him from the awkward stick shift that would probably accidentally make Burnie touch him in between his thighs. He couldn't help but blush at the way Burnie so shamelessly did it with Geoff though; although, their attention was more focused on him. It kind of scared him a little.

It wasn't until they were halfway to Geoff's house that anyone spoke. "So, how are you liking Austin so far?"

"It's... sunny." Gavin replied quietly, one arm on the arm rest as he looked out the window through scrunched up eyes. It was mostly rainy back home, feeding right into the U.K stereotypes, but it hadn't been much of a burden. He liked it. But this, sunny Austin where he'd get a nice tan (perks of being Italian!) and probably a nice hair tint, and where _he'd get to live with his favorite person in the world and get to experience Rooster Teeth in it's full._ The thought had him rooching around in his seat, way too excited. "Is it always this sunny?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot, you're from gloomy ol' England!" Geoff replied, joking of course. Gavin could hear the exhaustion in his voice. His daughter must be a rowdy one. That didn't bother him at all, his brother and sister were both younger than him.

Gavin scoffed. "You do the absolute _worst_  accent I've ever heard, Geoff." he replied, smiling when Geoff gave him a stupid look and ruffled his hair. "Well s'true!"

"Yeah, yeah." Geoff took a look around and watched as Burnie turned a corner, onto his home's street. "Hey, we're almost here. Burnie, stop the car."

"Wait why?" Gavin asked, a little panicked.

"Because the house is like, right there, and I wanna totally walk you to your new home. You're going to love it. Griffon's the artsy type, and she made your room very... welcoming."

"Whatdya mean by that?" Gavin asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked around the neighborhood. It looked pretty nice, and he reluctantly got out of the safety of Burnie's pick up to stand on the sidewalk next to Geoff and wait for an answer.

"Just... you'll see, kiddo." he replied smiling sweetly. He kept a protective hand on Gavin's shoulder as they walked, though it dwindled down to him just stuffing his hand in his pocket because he didn't want to throw the protective fatherly side of himself onto the poor new kid.


	2. The First Night is Always the Hardest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~~An Alternate Universe where Gavin Free was born Gabrielle Free, but knows that he was always meant to be Gavin Free, a boy, not a woman. Eighteen years later, he is cleared to go to America - where he meets Geoff and Griffon Ramsey. Not long after, he meets one Michael Jones and one Ray Narvaez Jr, two people who change his life forever - one for the better, the other for worse.~~
> 
> Gavin gets to see the Ramsey household for the first time. He meets Millie, Geoff and Griffon's little toddler, and Ruby, their cat. Geoff and Griffon help him out with nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is chaptered and on-going.
> 
> **There are gendered and transphobic slurs scattered throughout, so PLEASE be careful when reading.**
> 
> I will put a note at the beginning of each chapter that has any slurs in it if need be.
> 
> This is based off of my own personal experiences and off of other's whom I know. It was written for a friend of mine, who has a headcanon about "what if Gavin was transgender?"
> 
> \---------------------------
> 
> Millie is featured in this chapter, but it is only for fluffy/cute purposes and she will probably never be mentioned again.

The walk shouldn't have taken as long as it did, but it did - mostly because Gavin enjoyed looking at every single little thing while being utterly confused by it, and God knows when the butterfly that was fluttering around them landed on his rather large nose. Geoff was glad he'd had a good phone, because he'd snapped a picture of it right quick, much to Gavin's confusion and dismay.

When they got there, Gavin couldn't stop staring. The house was gorgeous. "Our other house is having renovations done, so we're using this one until then. But, we might stay here if the renovations don't work out." Geoff noted, offering for Gavin to walk in by himself. And Gavin did, a little timid. Burnie joined them not a moment later, and he got as far as his hand not an inch from the door before it opened and a tiny little human stumbled out - she latched onto Gavin's leg and smiled up at him, offering him her sippy cup.

"Gabbo!" she said, "I miwwie!"

Gavin had a moment of panic, looking back to Geoff for an okay. Geoff nodded once, his smile lazy, yet extremely happy. He'd been afraid that Millie would be afraid of the new, weird stranger in their home, but she seemed happy. "Hi, Millie! I'm Gavin!" he replied, not hesitating to pick her up and hold her against his hip as he would if he'd had a child; he'd learned to from his mum. She smiled and he took her sippy cup, holding it as he waddling into the house. He balanced her on his hip and looked around, finding Griffon in the kitchen, putting away dishes and generally baby-proofing the house. He stopped dead, still holding Millie, and blushed.

_Holy shite, she was gorgeous_. He'd seen her in pictures before, but this just didn't compare. Gavin felt his heart speed up and Geoff came up behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Welcome home, kiddo." he said softly, walking forward so he could grab Griffon's attention and give her a kiss on the cheek.

Gavin swore he could have heard Geoff go 'look, I brought you a new twink' in the most joking tone possible, but it was a longshot considering there was a 3 year old jabbering in his ear about nonsense that he was definitely replying to.

Griffon walked over, Geoff picking up her work, and pulled Millie out of his arms, setting her down. Didn't mean the toddler was gonna move from Gavin's leg. Griffon just laughed and pulled him into a warm, welcome hug that might have been too tight but fuck if Gavin cared. He was too interested in how amazing she smelled and warm she was and how soft her lips were when she gave him a kiss on his cheek. "So you're the little shit that stole my AIM screen name, huh?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "You look so much different now. The last time I saw you, you had long blonde hair. Well, not all that long, but. I hope you like your room - it took me two weeks to finish. Hey--are you okay, kiddo?"

Gavin didn't realize he'd been staring, completely distracted. "I--Wot, y-yeah?"

"My wife's a goddess, I know, don't have to stare!" Geoff called, joking of course. Griffon just smiled and took his hand, lacing her fingers with his.

"Come on, I'll show you your room. Burnie's gonna grab your stuff and bring it up, okay?" she said. Gavin just kept smiling, nodding along at how welcoming and how comfortable it felt to be here.

"Okay." he replied. Gavin realized then, as he followed Griffon up the stairs and to his new room; his new /home/, that he was truly home here. That he could make a life here. That he was wanted here, that he could stay here forever and that he could be /happy/ here. Being himself didn't feel so bad here.

* * *

 

Gavin liked his new room. 

It mimicked his old one, with posters that they thought he would like littered along the walls and a nice, comfortable bed with boyish-looking bedsheets and a comforter that was softer than the one at his home. He had a desk and a nice shelf next to it just like his old room where he could put his computer and his things. He had a tiny television on the wall across from his bed and a nice, tiny little closet to put all of his clothes and things. It seemed like Griffon left some room for a rug, should he want one, and places to put more posters and probably shelving, if he was looking at the patterns of the posters correctly.

Gavin loved his new room. Griffon seemed to have put a lot of work into it. He let go of her hand, venturing in like a kitten exploring a new area of the house. His steps were small and he became enthralled; he almost didn't notice Griffon speaking.

"I tried to make it look as much like your old room as possible..." she commented, and when he turned around, she was leaning against the door frame, smiling back at him. His own smile grew wider and he dug his hands into his pocket, happy. "Do you like it?"

"I--I love it." he replied, his voice quiet. He sat down on the bed, bouncing up and down slightly. He had a perfect view of the door and the perfect view of the window on the opposite side of the room - on the wall his bed was on. "Seriously... thank you for this." 

"Well, we wanted you to be comfortable, Gavino." she said, sitting on the bed next to him. "You're in a whole new continent, you know? With weird people that don't have your accent and we use a different currency..."

Gavin scoffed, nodding. "Yeah, yeah, s'alright though, I like it here so much. Way better than home. I wanna live here forever."

"Well, maybe you can soon. Maybe. Burnie already loves you and so does Geoff."

"Really?"

"Really."

* * *

The first night was hard. Gavin had spent the better part of the middle of the day unpacking, then the better part of the night learning the house and learning where he could and couldn't go (the Ramsey bedroom closet was not allowed, and neither was the shed in the back, because that was Griffon's art space).

Gavin was so caught up in the small game of Uno they were playing that he didn't realize when he had to go to bed; he found that sleeping only caused nightmares and that at four am, when he was hyperventilating and unable to call for help that maybe being so far away from home wasn't a good idea. He got up, thinking that he was still in his parents' house, and walked right into the Ramsey bedroom. Thankfully, it was as though they seemed to know that he might have done this, and he opened the door to a sleeping Geoff and Griffon.

Griffon woke up first, hearing the sound of the door open. She almost called out to Millie, until she saw the taller silhouette of Gavin in his over-sized shirt and pajama shorts, holding onto the teddybear he'd had since he was seven (the only thing he wanted to keep from his old life). She could see he was shaking, and she woke Geoff gently, him grunting awake.

She held out her arms, and the younger Brit didn't hesitate to close the door and bound straight over, crashing into her body as if he truly was five again. His tears were silent, and she held him. It wasn't long until he could feel himself being pulled to the side, the blanket that had been keeping the Ramsey's warm pulled back. Geoff got him huddle in between them, with him facing Geoff, his back to Griffon.

"It's okay, Gavino," Geoff had whispered.

"You're okay, we're right here," Griffon had whispered.

He cried silent tears, but they stopped after a few long moments, knowing he was safe here. He was safe, with Griffon curled around his back, her nose pressed against his neck; and Geoff, with his arm underneath both of their heads and his other draped over Gavin's body and what he could reach of Griffon's. The blanket came back up over them and Gavin was enveloped in a sweet warmth that he'd never come to forget.

He slept peacefully that night, dreaming of sweet things and happy endings, rather than terrifying outings and ridicule.


	3. Here, Where You Belong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nights get easier for Gavin to sleep. Geoff finds out about Gavin's secret, and Burnie, Gavin, and Dan all try and figure out a way to get Gavin to the U.S. for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is chaptered and on-going.
> 
> **There are gendered and transphobic slurs scattered throughout, so PLEASE be careful when reading. ******
> 
> ****I will put a note at the beginning of each chapter that has any slurs in it if need be.** **
> 
> ****This is based off of my own personal experiences and off of other's whom I know. It was written for a friend of mine, who has a headcanon about "what if Gavin was transgender?"** **

Things got easier after the first week. He learned the house, even testing himself by walking around it blindfolded. He only knocked into three chairs on the fifth day, a coffee table and the kitchen table on the sixth day, and a counter on the seventh. By the eighth, he knew the entire layout of the downstairs of the Ramsey household, and by the fourteenth, he knew the entirety of the house, inside and out. Sleeping became easier; the first seven days, he slept in the Ramsey bed because if he didn't, he'd have nightmares. He was weened off of it not long after, and found it easier to will the nightmares away with each time he slept. That, and Griffon had him running around so much and doing so many things that he found it easier to just pass out instead of actually sleep.

Geoff found out first. It had been on accident - he walked in on Gavin changing, something he usually locked his door for. In a fit of exhaustion and being almost late for his first day to look at the Roosterteeth building, he'd forgotten. Geoff knocked and walked in, as Gavin had given him a noise of confirmation. Gavin just thought he was knocking to acknowledge that he was awake; he was wrong.

Geoff walked in, and Gavin spun around to face him, showing off his still bandaged chest and absolutely nothing on below the shirt he was halfway through putting on. It was one of Geoff's old ones, one that was too large for him, and he quickly shoved it as far down as it would go, sitting on the bed to try and hide what was still between his legs.

Geoff didn't have time to undo what he'd done. He also couldn't move. It wasn't until Gavin started to shake, and started to cry that he did, putting a hand over his face so he wasn't looking and sitting down next to him. "I--You don't have to tell me right now, bud. You can tell me on your own time... I'm sorry. I should have known something was up when I turned the doorknob." He placed a comforting hand on Gavin's shoulder, and sighed, eyes still covered by his own hand.

But Gavin knew better. He was quick to put on his underwear and his jeans, sitting back down on the bed. It was probably for the best to just tell him the truth... right? "Y-You're not... dreaming. I-I um. I was born a-a girl." he said, sniffling. He brought his hand up, wiping away the tears that were falling along his cheeks. "But, I didn't wanna be a gi--"

"You don't have to explain it to me." Geoff replied, stern, yet comforting. He sighed and moved his hand so he was rubbing Gavin's back. "You don't have to explain it at all. This... changes nothing. You're still my little Gavino. I mean, it's a shock, 'cause I wasn't expecting it, but I don't give a shit. You're Gavino Free, that dumb British lad who stole my wife's aim and is totally falling in love with her." Geoff cocked his head to the side, trying to meet Gavin's eyes. "Do you... do you wanna tell Griffon? She's been wondering about that one suitcase of yours you refuse to open and unpack."

"I--I don--"

"You don't have to tell her. I won't either. No one else has to know but us, unless you choose to. Tell us when you're comfortable, or if you even feel like it, alright? Now, c'mon, we really _are_ gonna be late if we keep up with this sappy shit." Geoff smiled, and finally Gavin looked up to meet his eyes. Gavin knew, as soon as he did, that Geoff was being sincere over this. His eyes didn't hold any bit of anything else _but_ sincerety. More than his mother's, or father's had. Or brother and sister. He smiled back and lunged forward, pulling Geoff into a proper hug. Geoff hugged back, nice and tight, and kissed the top of his head. "You're safe here." he whispered.

\----------

Gavin realized as soon as he walked into the Roosterteeth Office, he'd fallen in love. Again. For the four millionth time. Not only was it above a place where he could get food, but it was small and perfect and all the shorts and the behind the scenes didn't give it justice. He even loved the stupid mural on the wall. He spent his entire first day learning this place, walking around and then walking around again, checking every single door and then checking every single door again. And even though it was getting repetitive, none of the guys (or girls) had the heart to tell him to stop. Kathleen would even admit that it was absolutely adorable how he peeked his head into all the different rooms, walked around touching everything, and then walking back out without so much as a shy smile in her direction, or any of the other guys' directions.

Gus, the Gus who hated _everything_  it seemed, even thought it was cute. What could he say? He had a soft spot for the kid.

Joel was indifferent, though that didn't stop him from being a complete, purposeful dickhead (in the best way). Little pranks here and there and little surprises, maybe a couple jump scares as well.

Nathan, though never talkative, always tried to at least say hello to Gavin at least once a day, and then goodbye. They even filmed a short with him in it a few days later, in which Nathan said absolutely nothing to anyone else but Gavin at the end, who was nervous but tried his absolute best to act properly so no one had to do extra work. He'd learned a lot from the short time he'd worked on movies and with his slow motion camera.

Everything went well... until he had to go back home. His passport had run out, and he had to go back to England for a bit. It crushed him. He'd gotten so accustomed to living with Geoff and Griffon and little Millie and their cat and dog. He'd grown so used to coming into "work" everyday and just messing around and walking around. He'd gotten so used to bothering everyone about their weird American quips and going home every night to his bedroom in the Ramsey household. He'd gotten used to Geoff bursting in randomly at 4 am on a Sunday with a birthday present for him (a little crotch rocket, really, Geoff?). He'd just gotten so used to it all; this had become normal.

The next few months at home were the worst. He still took his medications and did everything he needed to, but, well, his grades started slipping because he'd spent half the day either at home or daydreaming of when he could get home to go on the computer and talk to his nice American friends. He'd stay up until six am just to talk with Geoff or Griffon or Joel or Gus or Burnie or anyone from America, just so he could know what was going on. He counted the days on a calandar, hanging on the back of his door, for when he could go back to Austin, Texas and feel the warm sun on the back of his neck and just bask in the glow that was the city. He ignored his parents and family, mostly because they had nothing nice to say anyway.

Dinners were the most awkward. His mother would try and ask about how his days were in Austin. He'd always reply with, "better than here." It got old after the first three times or so, and he just stopped responding. His father wouldn't even look at him, and his brother and sister would ignore him as much as they could (unless it was family gatherings). The only good thing to come out of his time at home was Skyping with his Grandfather and going over to a neighbor's house so he could learn more about a high speed camera called the Phantom Flex.

Waking up turned out to be harder than normal after the first few weeks. He felt like a robot, or at least like he wasn't himself. Most days he spent laying in bed, or staring at whatever episode of Red vs Blue he'd put on his computer monitor. Sometimes, he wouldn't even wake up. He found it easier to just lay and sleep and be dead to the world.

Little did he know that almost five thousand miles away and a phone call, Burnie Burns was desperately trying to get Gavin a visa to come over. It wasn't until two days later, when Burnie learned that Gavin absolutely loved using the Phantom, that he came up with a plan.

"Gavin, Gavin pick up your stupid phone." Burnie said on the phone a few hours later. "Go get famous on YouTube."

Gavin had no idea what that meant, and he was terrified of what that meant, but he tried anyway. His plan? Make his best friend Dan do dumb stuff with him on camera. The kicker? Make his best friend Dan do dumb stuff with him on camera _i_ _n slow motion_. His neighbor'd told him that high speed photography or filmography wasn't exactly a big thing, and let him borrow the camera on the weekends. Gavin was ecstatic. Dan, however, was not. Not because Gavin wasn't excited, but because the _very first video_  they ever did was _Dan getting hit in the face with a football_. And by football, he'd later say, he meant 'soccer ball'. Bloody Americans, he'd said.

It didn't exactly pick up all that much. People liked the idea of Slow Motion and all, but it wasn't going anywhere. He nearly gave up, until he posted the Six Foot Water Balloon video.

Gavin had conned his brother into the video, and Dan, and decided that that day, they were gonna jump on a giant water balloon - while it was overfilled with water. The idea was that in slow motion, it'd pop and that would be that. Two mornings before, his newest and most favorite package arrived at his parents' house. He rushed to be the first one to get it, to get it up to his room and opened it. With the help of online stores and enough Google searching to put his wrist in a sling (though, not literally), he'd grabbed a pair of boxer briefs that were specially made to wear things called "Packers": little silicone-molded flaccid penises that would make it look and feel as if he had an actual penis. Though it wouldn't be connected, and he wasn't quite "big enough" to not wear it, he wore them proudly that day, knowing that he'd probably get wet and things would flop around.

No one would suspect a thing.

\----------------------

The day rolled around quicker than he expected, and he set up the faithful Phantom Flex in his backyard like he had been the past few weeks, setting up his Canon along with it. He called Dan, had him come over, and they shot what they needed to shoot. It had been fun, it had been more than fun, and he couldn't wait to get it uploaded. Editing was always a drag, but he was thankful he had been taught and also self-taught. Learning iMovie wasn't all that fun, but he was making good with it.

The video went up the next day and the response it received was quite amazing.

In a matter of twenty four hours, it had over nine hundred thousand views. In a matter of a week, it had over five million. It didn't take long before he was blowing up with emails about publicity, of fans who said his video had been on their news station or their favorite television show.

Gavin didn't know what to do, but he knew now that he had literally everything he ever needed to get to America. That reality because a reality not a few nights after the first week. He'd been sleeping, but woke out of a dead sleep. His first instinct? Call Burnie. It was 6am where he was, and probably 1am where Burnie was, but he had to call him.

"B-Burnie?" He sounded broken.

"Gav, it's," he heard Burnie shuffling - probably to check the time, "one in the morning kiddo, what are you doing awake? Isn't it like five a.m. there?"

"S-Six. Burnie, am.. am I really gonna be able to come to America?"

There was silence on the end of the line. Long enough to where Gavin started to think that Burnie fell back asleep. But he answered, in time. "I--I guess, you did an interview, you've been talked about literally everywhere," he paused to yawn, and in turn caused Gavin to yawn too, "you meet almost every requirement for your visa, so, yeah, you're really gonna be able to come here and stay here."

"R-Really?"

"Yes really, Gavin. You'll be where you belong. Here in Austin, here in the office."


	4. Packing, Flying, Unpacking, Working.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin has had it with being misgendered and made fun of in his household, and cannot wait for Burnie to get to London so he can leave, for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is chaptered and on-going.
> 
> **There are gendered and transphobic slurs scattered throughout, so PLEASE be careful when reading.**
> 
> I will put a note at the beginning of each chapter that has any slurs in it if need be.
> 
> This is based off of my own personal experiences and off of other's whom I know. It was written for a friend of mine, who has a headcanon about "what if Gavin was transgender?"
> 
>  
> 
> **There is a scene in which Gavin gets misgendered, and in which his brother calls his surgery scars "disgusting" in this chapter. Please proceed with caution if you are triggered by this.**

That morning, Burnie went off to get Gavin his Visa for good. At the same time, he was working on Barbara's. It only took hers a few days. She was cleared, but Burnie wasn't as pleased yet.

It took everything Gavin had not to check up on the site every few hours. He limited himself to once or twice every day, and that was it. It was hard, but, he was trying. The only thing that distracted him was looking in the mirror because he'd finally grown facial hair. And hair just about every-fucking-where else. It was like it just sprung up on him one morning - or at least he noticed that morning. He never used mirrors. He didn't like them, and often dressed in silence in the dark in his room. But today, he figured, it would at least distract him enough. Looking in the mirror was _weird_ , but oddly satisfying.

Gavin noticed that his jawline looked a lot more strong. He noticed that he'd grown a beard (when had that happened?). He'd noticed that his hands looked less feminine and that his body wasn't as curvy as before (though he could probably blame that on being stick thin - depression and hating your body did that to you). His noticed chest, clearly, was flat. He noticed that his legs had grown a thick patch of hair (what else was new?). When he removed his shirt to shower, he noticed that a large, dark patch (or more like a carpet, really) adorned his chest and his stomach, leading all the way down, as far as he could see with his pajama pants still on. It was nice to turn about in front of his mirror, noticing all the things that were different. The things that fit. The things that made him more like himself than they did before. For the first time in almost ten years; he smiled at himself in the mirror, and didn't dare cover it up.

He hopped in the shower, didn't even try to shave his chest (though he did try to shave his pubic hair), and felt happier than he had the day before.

The day, unfortunately, continued on as it had every day before when this whole Visa business started. It still hadn't gone through. He still couldn't go to America for good. Sitting back in his chair, shirtless and curled up with his knees to his chest, he cried. _I've got t'stop getting my hopes up. It's never gonna change, not for a while. M'not important t'them_. he said quietly to himself. _M'not all that important, so they're not gonna clear it. S'gonna stay pending forever_.

He hadn't realized his brother had been standing there, waiting for him to wrap up his daily pout routine. "Gab, lunch is ready." he said a little coldly; one of the only times he could get away with calling his brother by his birth name (any other time, he was roughly kicked in the shin by his sister, or by his mum when they were at the table). "Mum said t'get a move on it, cos you haven't eaten in a few days."

"S'Gavin, an' m'not hungry." Gavin replied, wiping the tears away with his fingers before standing up. His brother scowled at him and pretended to gag at the sight of his shirtless ~~sister~~ brother. "Tell mum t'give it to the cat or somethin'."

"No, Gabby, mum said t'get downstairs now, you're not gettin' outta this." He retorted, stepping aside while holding his arm out, nearly ordering Gavin to get downstairs. "And put a damn shirt on, no one wants t'see your disgusting surgery scars."

He left without another word, but Gavin had it with being misgendered in this household. Between his brother and his father, he didn't know which was worse. So he put a shirt on, followed his brother downstairs, and waited. Just waited. He had enough dirt on his brother to really get him in trouble, and made a great show of showing his mum without his brother knowing.

His mother took it as a warning that something had happened between them, and raised her eyebrow at Gavin's phone, where he had pictures of his brother not only drinking (he was only 20), and doing some other things that weren't quite... legal. He took his phone away without another word and put it back in his pocket, standing up.

Mum had made him his favorite for lunch, but he didn't want it. Okay, maybe he did, but, he had other... uses for it. He stood up, bringing the bowl with him, and didn't hesitate to dump it on his brother's head without so much as a warning as he brought the bowl out to the kitchen. His brother might have been younger, but he was still larger than him and attempted to come after him after screaming. His mother just sat there, speechless. "That's for calling me by my old name, arsehole." he growled, rushing back into his room.

Pushing his dresser in front of the door had been hard, but he managed after locking his door.

He was left alone after that.

* * *

The next time he left would be the last time he would have to leave, and with it came a _lot_ of packing. It was about four weeks after his freakout that Burnie had called him; at six in the fucking morning. Gavin had been tossing and turning all night and woke within and instant. "Ngh, Burnie, s'six in the mor--" he'd started when he picked up the phone, but he'd been interrupted.

"Pack your shit. Pack all of it, I don't care how long it takes you. Just fucking pack everything." Burnie sounded like he'd been tossing and turning in bed too; maybe he couldn't sleep either. "I've got you a one way ticket and me a round trip ticket to Austin, Texas. You're comin' home, kid."

_You're coming home, kid._  Gavin's reaction should have been recorded. The amount of emotions on his face ranged from complete shock to utter happiness to excitement and back to shock again. The noise that left his mouth didn't sound all that human (it very much sounded like a mix of a cat's meow and a bird squeaking), and he bounded off his bed to flip his lights on and start packing. He didn't even bother to shower or hang up the phone, but Burnie didn't mind. He just liked hearing his Gavin excited and happy as he rushed to talk about stuff and talk about all the things he was gonna do once he was on a plane to America. It was heart warming.

That day, Gavin decided to film a Slow Mo Guys video. He'd been waiting, for a long time now, for a use for these mugs he'd gotten. They had numbers on them, frame rates, and he put them to good use on the cold(ish) morning. He set up the video, made the video, and posted it all in the same day once he was done packing, far too excited.

Burnie arrived at the airport six hours after 5pm, with a 24 hour layover. He was quick to ask Gavin to come along, all of his things with him. They spent the rest of the day getting all of his shit in as little boxes as possible to bring to America. Gavin wanted to make one trip and no more. He'd brought _everything_  though, ranging from his clothes to little trinkets, to fragile things, to even pictures of himself pre-Gavin from his family's living room. Nearly every trace of him was gone from his family's household, and that's how he wanted it. He didn't want them to remember him. "Alright, that's... that's everything, Burnie."

"Michael, kid, you can call me Michael if it makes you happy." Burnie replied, setting his packing tape down. he sighed, rubbed his face, and looked at Gavin, who was wiping his brow and sighing. He wasn't used to all the heavy lifting, but he was getting a good work out and that was fine.

"But there's already a Michael, and you like Burnie better." Gavin said, rather sternly.

Burnie picked up on exactly what Gavin meant and nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Let's go see how much all this costs and I'll pay for it. Then you'll get set up at Geoff's house for good. They build you a little loft in their back yard, just so you know. I think they're excited to have you back."

The comment made him smile, and he eagerly went to pack his things into Burnie's rental. At least the bloke knew how to drive a car in this country. Geoff... well, Geoff didn't. At all.

* * *

About twenty hours later, and one bouncing Gavin was sitting in Burnie's lap, trying to wake him up. "Burnie, c'mon, get _up_ I can't take this being awake alone anymore, I've been up since 6, c'mon, _get up_." he said, frowning when Burnie woke with a start and nearly shoved him off.

"Oh! Shit, sorry, sorry, morning to you too, kiddo." Burnie's voice was thick with sleep and he squinted, unable to see because of both the sun pointing through the hotel window and his lack of glasses. He searched for them on his bed side table, but Gavin was already attempting to shove them onto Burnie's face. "Hey, hey, I got it."

"C'mon, hurry up, we're leaving today!" Gavin said, his fingers only holding onto Burnie's glasses now. He let go, however, and slid off of the older man's lap, onto the bed next to him. He curled up, with his knees to his chest, and waited.

"I--" Burnie finally looked at the clock. "Gav?"

"Yeah?"

"We still have three hours before we leave." Burnie wished he could have recorded the way Gavin's face changed in such a short amount of time. He'd even consider it a record. He felt bad, because now Gavin was frowning and he looked so upset. Goddammit. Why did Burnie have to love this kid so much, huh? "Okay, okay, fine. Give me another half hour of sleep. Okay? Just a half hour, then I'll get up, get showered, and we can go out to breakfast, okay?"

Gavin's face went back to being excited and he nodded. "Alright! I'll just... watch television, I suppose."

And that's exactly what he did. He watched television, bored out of his mind and laying next to Burnie, slowly inching closer until he was touching him. He didn't know why he needed that, or why he wanted it. But it made him feel better. Like all of this was real - which it was - and it was really happening and it was so close and right there and Burnie was his rock. That much was true. Burnie had been there right from the start, when the biggest changes in his life were happening, even if he hadn't actually been there. They all were, the lot of them - Burnie, Gus, Joel, Geoff, Jason, Kathleen, Matt - and now this dream of his that he'd be working for them or being d them was going to be actually real and achievable and it was making Gavin excited again.

He nearly shoved Burnie off the bed in excitement when the time came to wake him up again, almost on the dot. "Burnie, c'mon, you said now, an' it's now, c'mon, get up we've got a flight to catch!"

The man in question awoke with a start, hair a mess and dried drool on the corner of his cheek. He smiled as soon as he saw the look on Gavin's face - even if it was a front for how exhausted he was. He got up, got dressed and showered and had both of them out of the door with an hour to spare. Gavin was very easily distracted by the wonders of London, and brought him and Burnie to his favorite little cafe, the one with the nice little breakfast items and the perfect cup of coffee (and in Burnie’s eye, what felt like the _only_ place he could get a cup of coffee in the entire country). They spoke about coming over and moving in with the Ramsey’s while they ate (or, while Gavin talked and Burnie ate, then vice versa; the kid seemed too excited to shut up long enough to chew and Burnie had to tell him to stop chewing with a full mouth four times), and then they were off again, another half hour down.

And even though Burnie’s feet ached from Gavin taking him literally everywhere, he was strong and following Gavin around while they walked around London for a little bit before going back to the hotel. Burnie was sure his exercise for the month was done by the time they got back, but he figured he’d have to get used to it, and Geoff would soon feel this same, sweet punishment. Burnie was excited for that, like a small prank that’d live with the Ramsey’s forever.

“The first thing m’gonna do when I get to America is piss, out on the street, B said that people do that all the time over there; do it here n’ you’re gone forever.” Gavin said, but Burnie didn’t catch it. Only the pissing part.

“Why not pee before you leave?”

“What?”

“Why no--nothing, kiddo, just get your suitcases all packed up, even though they should have been last night before you went to bed.”

“Yeah but I got too fuckin’ excited.”

“Hey. Watch your fucking language.” Burnie said, sending Gavin into a small fit of giggles.

* * *

 

That was about it for the conversation. Gavin realized that maybe going away to America wasn’t such a good idea as soon as he was on the plane, ready to leave for America. “Burnie, m’scared. Wh-what if Geoff n’ Griffon don’t want me there anymore? Wh-what if they had another kid or somethin’, not that I’ve been keeping up with their lives or anythin’ religiously.”

“They don’t have another kid. And they definitely want you back. I called them after I called you and they nearly shit a brick. I think Geoff even might have cried a little bit, he was so happy their little twink was coming back home.”

“HEY, I’M NOT A TWINK.”

“Do you even know what that means, youngin’?”

“Yes.”

“Then what does it mean?”

“Nope.”

It was another long flight to the U.S, but once Gavin walked the short walk from the plane to where people waited for their families, he was pretty shocked to see just about everyone from the company there. Well, not everyone. But Geoff and Griffon were there and that was all that really mattered - there were others: Joel, Gus, Jason, Kathleen, and almost everyone else that worked there were there too, but Geoff and Griffon were all that mattered and he’d be damned if he didn’t go running full sprint at them both to try and get them both in a hug. They were ready though, and just as excited - Griffon was smiling wide, and Geoff was practically bouncing out of his jeans. They easily engulfed him into a large, double Ramsey hug and Gavin felt at home again. He hugged back tightly, nose pressed against Griffon’s neck and then Geoff’s and then back again, just inhaling their scents like he’d forget them again. Not that he was ever leaving. Not this time. Burnie made sure of that.

When he pulled back, he could have sworn he saw Geoff wipe a tear from his eye. Griffon pulled him into a single hug, the kind where he could feel all her squishy parts and the bony parts and the warmth radiating her (the kind that he loved because it made him _feel_  loved), and he didn’t pull away for a solid minute. Maybe too long, but no one seemed to notice or care.

There were exchanges of “welcome home”’s and “welcome back”’s and Geoff and Griffon went to baggage claims while Burnie got everyone else to leave. He parted soon after and Gavin went to find the Ramsey’s, totally ready to go home and unpack.

_Home._ Gavin thought again. _It doesn't sound so wrong anymore._


	5. Meeting Michael Jones.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin moves in with the Ramseys, and has his first (eventful) day of work. There, he meets Michael Jones, one of the two people who will change his life forever.

Moving in with the Ramsey’s was much easier than packing up /to/ move to the Ramseys. This time, Gavin had three helping hands: Geoff, Griffon, and Burnie. It went by fast, with Gavin handling and unpacking clothing and “personal” items, then trinkets, posters, and keepsakes. The Ramseys handled pretty much everything else: Griffon worked with the toiletries and Geoff - along with Burnie - built a desk, bookshelf, and entertainment center so that Gavin would have room to put his computer, hard drives, and consoles.

Small talk ranged from how excited Gavin was to what he was going to spend his first paycheck on. That was a conversation none of them would forget, as Gavin’s answer was unexpected.

“Well, probably rent, since I’m living here now, and I wanna help out...” he turned from putting his favorite plush teddy bear (something that would never, ever be spoken of outside of this room) to find all three older adults staring at him. “Eh, what? Is... Is that not a good answer? What did you lot spend your first paycheck on... the one you got from Roosterteeth.”

Burnie answered first. “I got myself a new console so I could run Halo better.”

“I spent mine on fixing up my chainsaw and grabbing some logs from that mill I took you to when you were eighteen, remember?” Griffon chimed in.

“I-I, I uh, got myself a DVD and some uh, books.” he replied, though that was clearly a lie.

“By DVD and books, he means Playboy and some porn, don’t let him fool you.”

“Oh.” Gavin said with a small laugh. Geoff blushed.

“Plus, you don't have to pay us rent. We love having you here - you're practically our adopted son. We couldn't do that to you, not when you just got here." Griffon said, turning back to finish unpacking a box of towels.

Besides, you'll just pay it back when you lose all those ridiculous bets you yap on about." Geoff replied with a wink, laughing. He went back to screwing in something for the entertainment center and Burnie went back to holding it together so it wouldn't fall or slip.

It made Gavin smile as he continued unpacking the little things he'd soon put on the computer desk (among them ranged a signed Red vs Blue DVD, a lanyard from his first convention - when he worked the booth for Burnie - and other things), watching everyone else with a small, dreamy look on his face. _Yeah,_  he thought. _I could get used to this._

 

By the time five p.m. rolled around, everyone had finished moving in, minus a couple of boxes that Gavin insisted did not need to be unpacked, just shoved into his closet. They were mostly filled with picture frames, photo albums, and other things his family had kept from his past life, things he wanted to keep secret from everyone.

Dinner was Geoff leaving to get Taco Bell after Burnie left, and dessert was ice cream and cuddling with Geoff and Griffon while they watched a rom-com that was too cheesy for Gavin to bear. He ended up dozing off with his head in Griffon's lap, dreaming of all the new people he was going to meet and just how bloody _awesome_ tomorrow was going to be.

And how awesome it was not. Gavin woke up an hour early and had no idea what to do with himself. He showered, got dressed, brushed his teeth and fixed his hair within half an hour, which left another thirty minutes until Geoff woke up, then however long it would take him to get ready and make breakfast. Masturbating was out of the question (he hadn't masturbated since he was fifteen, and even then he hated it), and so was sleeping. He'd never get up again if he fell asleep at this point.

He frowned and looked over at his laptop. _Maybe I could mess 'round on there for a bit_. he thought and walked over to his desk. Pulling the charging cord out of its hole, he took a spot on this bed and opened up his laptop, turned it on, and opened Safari once it was finished booting up. His homepage was still the Roosterteeth website, and he could see that Burnie posted about his final arrival yesterday. Everyone seemed pretty happy about it, so Gavin set to thanking everyone for their kind messages and comments. When that concluded, he decided to stare at his pretty new "cast and Crew" title that was now next to his name. By the time he was done admiring it, and answering more lovely comments that were coming in now, Geoff was knocking on the door to the shed. Gavin squeaked, not expecting it, and closed the lid, walking over to and opening the door. He smiled back at Geoff. "Mornin'."

"Hey buddy. Want breakfast?" He asked, his voice still a little groggy from waking up.

"Yeah, m'starving." Gavin replied. He stretched and followed Geoff to the main house, where Griffon was curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee and breakfast was halfway made.

Gavin took a spot on the couch by Griffon and sat under her outstretched legs, idly watching whatever she had been watching (something about brides being Godzilla or something). He peered over at her when she suddenly spoke, eyes still dreamy because she was still pretty, even with her hair still a mess and bags under her eyes. "How'd you sleep, kiddo?"

Gavin shrugged, trying desperately not to rub her legs with his hands. He settled for laying them across her legs. "Better than the first night, I was here, that's for sure. It was nice. Comfortable. I remember falling asleep on you an' Geoff... Then I woke up in bed."

Griffon scoffed. "You seemed comfortable enough. Geoff might have carried you, and I got you into something to sleep in. You were out like a light."

"Oh." Gavun mumbled. His first thought was _had she found out?_ but the warm smile he was receiving said otherwise. He'd have to tell her after work. It only felt fair.

"Hey butts, breakfast is totally ready." Geoff calling them brought Gavin out of his thoughts and he got up, following Griffon into the kitchen. He was presented with Geoff's attempt at an English Breakfast, complete with tea and everything. He had to admit, halfway through it, that the cook did a pretty damn good job, even if Geoff wasn't from the U.K.

That was the only awesome thing about that day.

* * *

Apart from quick introductions and Gavin getting his desk set up, everything in the office was mostly quiet. It  _was_ Valentine's Day, after all. And Gavin was happy with the peace and quiet, even enjoyed it. At least, until Michael Jones walked in.

Gavin knew almost immediately that it was him. He remembered Burnie saying how Michael had short, curly hair that had a little bit of red in it (and that he hated it when it was pointed out), and a _lot_ of freckles.

That, and how he always looked constantly angry or annoyed. Today was no different. And, given the date, Gavin could pretty much figure out why Michael looked so annoyed - he hated to day too, because it was a stupid holiday. But today was also Thursday. Rage Quit came out on Thursdays. And it seemed everyone just disappeared from the Achievement Hunter office.

Except for Gavin.

In his defense, he didn't know just how angry Michael got during a recording. He only knew what he did from having watched the series while he was still in England, bored and anti-social. He had no clue just how much anger Thursdays brought.

Michael didn't notice him at first, and that proved to be a good thing. Well, either that or he choice to ignore Gavin. Either way, Gavin was grateful once Michael sat down and started to record.

He was playing some weird fame, involving a square and what looked like spikes. And Michael got angry _fast_. It took him getting over one thousand attempts in less than ten minutes for him to explode and he took it out on the controller. He slammed it down on the desk, causing it to crack; then it was thrown on the ground. Then, right at Gavin's face.

Gavin was quick to duck out of the way, rogue controller slamming into the wall and down into the trash can below. He stayed down too, until he heard Michael speak. "What the--who the fuck are you?"

He sat up, eyes wide with a little bit of fear. _Bollocks_ , Gavin thought, _I'm not getting out of this_.

Standing up, he introduced himself. "H-Hi there... you're--you're Michael, right?"

He received a grunt (or was it a growl?) in response, then, "What the fuck does it matter to you?"

"Uh, nothing. Just--" Gavin inhaled, "I'm Gavin. I...I work here now."

Michael crossed his arms, thinking. "Don't _ever_ be in here again when I do Rage Quit." then, silence. He sat down, looking drained, and started to try and edit. Final cut pro opened slowly, and Gavin was forgotten about. It took another half hour for Michael to cool down, probably since it was lunch and - "I'm sorry."

Gavin almost didn't hear him. "Eh, what? Oh... Don't be, yeah?" he shrugged, saving his work as Michael did the same. "I... shouldn't have been in here. You weren't aiming for me, so."

"How can I make it up to you? I'm fucking bad at good first impressions, and, you know."

"Yo--Go to lunch with me? Geoff already left, and he was my lunch buddy, so, yeah."

"Lunch... wait. I'm going to havae to pay, aren't I?" Michael squinted, weighing it in his head until Gavin pulled out his wallet and showed that he had money.

"Geoff gave me starting qui--cash." Gavin said as they started to leave.

"Qui? What the fuck is Qui?"

"Quid, not 'Qui'." Gavin said, "Hey, where's your car?"

"What the fuck is quid?" Michael asked instead, making Gavin's pronunciation of the word. "What? I don't have one."

"Slang? for pounds?" Michael was becoming _very_ annoyed with Gavin's tone. He was twenty four, not three. "Like, England's currency?"

"I'm going to fucking punch you." Michael replied, rolling his eyes.

* * *

A cab ride and two burgers later made Gavin feel like him and Michael were really getting along. Michael didn't seem as irritable as before and his tone wasn't as curt as it had been when they'd first encountered each other. "So, you  _really_  gave up being a famous slow mo..." he started making hand motions, to which Gavin helped out.

"Director, cinematographer, consultant..." Gavin chimed in, trying not to sound like he was gloating.

Michael shot him a dirty look anyway, and started again. "Slow mo _g_ _uy_ , to come here and work a ten dollar an hour job, where the _only_ fucking benefit is playing video games for a living, but even that's hard because you have to edit it all together and that takes for-fucking-ever?"

"It's my dream job... I.. I belong here." _Away from my family that doesn't want to deal with me or understand me and my decision to transition from female to male_. He tacked on as an after-thought. He sipped at the last of his drink.

Michael pouted and shifted his eyes. "Alright, you got me there. But still, all the way from England to America?" Michael didn't give Gavin the time to answer; instead cleaning up and taking their food trays to the trash. Gavin was surprised - no one ever really did that before. At least, not without Gavin asking first, anyway. "I can understand Jersey to Texas, but not England to America to Texas. 'Cause I mean, I wanted to work here too. Kind of."

"Kind of?" Gavin got up after Michael came back, ready to walk back to the office.

"Well, I wasn't really expecting it. It was just... thrust upon me, I guess." Michael walked slowly, waiting for Gavin to catch up. "So, what's your story?"

"My story?"

Michael nodded.


	6. First Impressions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's first impression on Gavin would be one that he remembered for the rest of his life. Michael also encounters Gavin's body, accidentally, for the first time, and has to open his mouth about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is chaptered and on-going.
> 
> **There are gendered and transphobic slurs scattered throughout, so PLEASE be careful when reading.**
> 
> There is a brief mention of Michael pointing out how hairy Gavin is, and Gavin taking a bit of offense. Please proceed with cuation. (Just in case).
> 
>  
> 
> _And as another note, I may have gotten some of Gavin's past wrong. I apologize if this annoys you (and feel free to tell me in the comments)._

"Oh. Well," and Gavin started all the way back when he was fourteen, and found the forum. He left out his pre-operation stage, as it was a little detail that didn't matter. He left out that entire side of his life, actually; he didn't trust Michael yet. He talked about how he liked the forums, and how he could be himself. He didn't even know about Red vs. Blue until the third episode came out. And then he went on about how he tried to get buddy-buddy with the guys (Burnie, Gus, Geoff, Joel, etc) and how they totally didn't respond. "It wasn't really until I helped set up and run one of their merchandise booths that I got some recognition." Gavin explained, while Michael nodded along, not speaking so Gavin would keep talking. He wasn't good at small talk.

Gavin moved on to how he messaged Burnie afterward and they started a friendship and how he stole Griffon's aim account in an attempt to get Geoff to like him and how it totally worked, leaving out how he wrote to Burnie about his situation at home and how he felt like he belonged there instead. "And then, when I couldn't come to America anymore, like, for good, I started the Slow Mo Guys with my B, Dan, to pass the time. Then the Six foot water Balloon video happened, and I got all the requirements for the Visa I wanted, an O-1B Visa." Gavin smiled, turning to Michael. "Then, Burnie put in for it and a month later, I'm here, ready to start my first day of work." Gavin ended just as they reached the office parking lot.

Michael broke off then, waving a little as he walked. Gavin stayed outside for a moment, just taking in how well that went, especially since Michael had been so hostile before. Gavin walked back into the Achievement hunter office feeling rather happy. Everyone noticed the bliss just radiating from him, Jack and Geoff especially. When he walked into the office, Jack raised his eyebrows but Geoff spoke first. "Who kissed you, stinky?"

"I went to lunch with someone." Gavin replied, eyes flicking to where Michael was immersed in trying to edit his Rage Quit.

"Wait... what?" Jack said, a little surprised.

"Are you fucking serious?" Geoff asked.

From their reactions, Gavin guessed that Michael being kind wasn't a regular thing. "Yep! It was bloody lovely."

Just as he finished speaking, Michael growled, low yet loud. Gavin looked over, but the other had fallen quiet silent. Had he done something wrong? Was he not supposed to talk about that? Gavin was about to apologize, but Michael started cursing at his computer. "You piece of shit! Come on!" Slamming his computer mouse on the desk. Everyone looked over and Gavin moved to stand behind Jack; Michael yelling like that kind of scared him.

"Michael... the fuck is going on?" Geoff said, putting a protective hand on Gavin's shoulder, reassuring him that it was okay.

"Fucking Final Cut is being a piece of shit! It crashed on me a-fucking-gain!" The volume of Michael's voice had Gavin becoming incredibly uncomfortable.

But, Gavin decided that he should step out of his comfort zone anyway and spoke up. "I'll--I'll edit it for you. If, if you want."

Michael whipped his head around, facing Gavin. His face went from anger and annoyance to exhaustion again, like it had before. "You'd... You'd do that?" the curt tone was gone again too. Gavin's scared, yet eager face gave Michael all the confirmation he needed to get up and let Gavin sit. He inhaled and exhaled and leaned into the other once he was close enough. "Thank you, Gavin."

"Y-You're welcome." Gavin said just as softly, his cheeks burning by the time Michael sat down at Gavin's desk to fuck around on his computer.

Gavin got to work, starting from scratch because it was easier to edit. He saved periodically, and left in as much as he could so it would be a good video for the fans. It took Gavin a few hours, but Geoff and Jack stayed with them in case the editing went awry and Michael took its lack of quality out on Gavin (and Geoff was his ride, so).

Michael passed the time by fucking around on Gavin's computer. He might have left him a lovely message somewhere in his documents ( _You're an asshole, I hate you, love Michael_ ), maybe a picture or two, and messed around with Gavin's open Facebook, leaving a lovely little status ( _Michael was here, Gavin's an asshole_ ), and, in turn, sending himself a friend request so he could add Gavin once he was back on his own computer.

It took Gavin a few hours, but but he eventually finished, saved, and exported the video with no crashes or interruptions. He caught Michael's attention and stood up, pointing to the computer. "Uh, I-I finished, so you can look it over now. I'll re-edit it if it's not right."

Michael took the five or so minutes to watch it and turned to face Gavin, who was standing nervously behind Geoff. "This... is the best editing I've ever seen... how the fuck do you do it?" Michael didn't notice how shy Gavin was being until then and instantly softened his tone - another first, as Jack's face showed. "Hey, hey, it's fine. You did really fucking good. Thank you, seriously."

"Yo-You're welcome, Michael." Gavin replied, smiling sweetly at the other. He didn't smile back, instead nodding. "You don't have to pay me back or anything. Just so you know."

"Yeah, I know." Michael mumbled.

Gavin yawned and stretched as he moved forward, taking Michael's answer as an okay. He was ready to leave anyway. His shirt rode up, just past his belly button, and Michael noticed. Gavin didn't, and Michael just _had_ to open his Jersey mouth.

"Good _damn_ dude, you are fucking _hairy_."

Once the words left Michael's mouth, and registered in Gavin's brain, he scrambled to shove his shirt down, becoming extremely defensive. "Yeah? So bloody what? Got a problem, baby's bottom?"

The look Michael gave him was a mixture of shock and "unable to be mad because that insult made zero sense." It never left his face, even as Geoff gently pushed Gavin out of the office. Geoff told him to wait a few moments while he slipped back into the office.

Geoff kept his voice low as he spoke to Michael. "I am so, so, so sorry, I really am. I should have warned you. He doesn't... he's really... self-conscious, about his body.

Michael shrugged. "Alright."

"It's just, you know, personal shit. It'll pass soon enough. He might just be upset about it for a little while."

Michael nodded along, waiting until Geoff was finished to speak. "I-I didn't know. I'll apologize, tomorrow, boss man. Also, tell Gavin that he should _get better insults_!"

From outside the office, Gavin stuck his tongue out and flipped the closed door off, even if Michael couldn't see it. Geoff came back out a few moments later with his keys in his hand and pointed at the main door. "C'mon, buddy. Let's get going. I'll make you your favorite dinner when we get home, okay?"

"Okay." Gavin mumbled, moving close to Geoff's side as they walked; Geoff put his arm around Gavin's shoulders and mumbled about how Michael didn't mean it in the way he took it, because Michael didn't know. Gavin just nodded along and nodded off in the car, ready to change into bed clothes and let Griffon run her fingers through his hair how he liked and--Gavin was looking forward to going home already. _Home_. Gavin nodded, _Where I finally belong_.


	7. Apology Almost Accepted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael spends the next few days desperately attempting to apologize to Gavin. It isnt until the third day that Gavin finally accepts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are gendered and transphobic slurs scattered throughout, so PLEASE be careful when reading.
> 
> There are **no** slurs in this chapter!
> 
> I am so sorry for the short chapters. Its how I've broken them up. That will change with the next chapter, I believe.

It took Gavin several days to finally accept Michael's apology, after constant niceties from one Michael Jones. The day after, Gavin walked into the Achievement Hunter office to find his favorite tea sitting on his desk, already made and still hot, waiting for him. Gavin figured that Geoff must have told him. Michael walked in just as Gavin brought the tea cup (not needed, Michael) to his lips - as if he was watching the whole time - and Gavin had to endure not-so-lovely-tea to be kind, even though it wasn't made right.

The second day, Michael left Gavin's favorite lunch on his desk, having bought it for him. He got it from the same place they had went together, Michael - much to Gavin's surprise - remembering exactly what he had ordered (a supreme pizza slice with a soda), which he definitely didn't have to do.

And on the third day, Gavin woke up to "someone" knocking on the shed door at an ungodly hour in the morning, then running away. They were rather persistent, refusing to stop knocking until Gavin got annoyed. " _Oy_! Quit that, I want to rest!"

Still, they persisted, until Gavin got out of bed, crossing the small area from his bed to the door; he was in nothing but one of Geoff's old t-shirts and a pair of boxer briefs. Whoever knocked was gone by the time he reached the door, but Gavin noticed a neatly wrapped box as if it were his birthday; he opened the door and picked it up, choosing to plop down right there and open it. It was early enough where it was still cool and he wouldn't gag or choke. He carefully unwrapped the bow from the box and opened it, finding a note resting atop a bunch of over-seas treats that he enjoyed.

Smiling, Gavin read the note. _Forgive me, asshole_. It made him smile even more, even though it was Saturday and he was exhausted and just wanted to sleep in. He heard rustling from somewhere outside and looked around, spotting a tuft of winded, curly hair over on the other side of the Ramsey's pool. He cocked his hip and played it off like he didn't know who was there.

"You know, my dad has a double barrel shotgun in the house an' all I have to do is scream for him to come running out!" Gavin called out loud enough for Michael to hear.

It took a few moments before Michael emerged from his hiding spot, redder than a tomato from embarrassment. He was a bit sheepish until he got closer to Gavin - his face changed to his usual asshole demeanor, so the other wouldn't notice. "I'm sure he would shoot his own co-worker, dumbass. Also, 'Dad'?"

Gavin rolled his eyes and covered himself out of instinct - he  _was_  only in boxer briefs and Geoff's t-shirt - and stood up, reaching down to grab the treats box. "Well, maybe if you weren't sneaking around the garden like some sort of cat burglar, I wouldn't have to threaten you." he stated as he walked back into the shed. Michael followed. "Oh, and what is this? Year four? Pretending to anonymously send me your American equivalent of flowers?" Gavin scoffed, setting the box on his small kitchenette.

"Year... Fou--Shut the hell up! You won't even accept my apology. It's been like three goddamn days!" Michael blurted out, letting his Jersey mouth ramble.

It all seemed to click in Gavin's head now. He hadn't even realized it - that he didn't accept Michael's apology yet. He just thought Michael was being kind. "O-Oh."

"Yeah, I've only been trying like a motherfucker these past three goddamn days!"

"Why does it even matter? This isn't secondary school! I'm not some random bird you've got a crush on, that you've spit in her hair, and you're trying to apologize! Christ, Michael." _And here I thought you liked me_ , he thought.

Ignoring the secondary school comment, Michael sighed. "'Cause I like you, and I wanna be friends with you, stupid. Kinda hard when that person won't talk to you because they're angry at you." Michael replied, far too quick.

 _Oh._ Gavin thought, again. He wasn't expecting that. At all. "W-Well, uh, uh, apology, um... accepted, dummy. Now, uh, good night, cos I have to sleep some more."

"You suck. Let me stay. I'll be quiet." Michael pleaded, even sticking his bottom lip out, which was _very_  unfair, because Michael looked like a goddamn _angel_  and it was making Gavin weak. Really weak. So weak, he was beginning to drool.

Gavin surrendered after only a few moments, sighing softly. "Just keep the telly down, please, an' don't touch anything you shouldn't." Gavin yawned as he walked back to his bed, settling in. "See you in a couple hours, Michael."

* * *

Unfortunately, a couple hours turned into five hours, as Gavin slept in until after noon. He awoke a little less grumpy. He'd actually forgotten about Michael's staying and walked through the "living room" to the closet, taking his shirt off as he went, meaning to change by the time he got to his shirts.

And there was Michael, immersed in building a house in Minecraft, turning to say something. Thankfully, Gavin was already turned away from the other and he was quick to get a shirt on. "Morning, Aurora."

Gavin pushed his shirt down, turning to face Michael with a weird look on his face. "Aurora?"

"Yeah, you know, Sleeping Beauty?" Michael replied, pausing his game.

"What did Geoff tell you about saying those kinds of things?" Gavin scolded, cocking his hip. Michael raised an eyebrow at that, but said nothing.

"Sorry, Sorry. But, c'mon, you slept forfuckingever." Michael apologized immediately.

"Told you, I was exhausted. You woke me up at seven thirty this morning." Gavin replied, happy and relieved that Michael didn't see his scars from top surgery and that he didn't bring anything up. That would have made for an awkward conversation. "Also, how do you think I get this handsome every day?"

Michael snorted, setting the controller to the 360 on the love-seat cushion. "Yep. Definitely handsome. But I guess I now know the secret behind that enigma you call your hair." he picked the controller up again after shielding himself from Gavin throwing Geoff's 'Make Mistakes' shirt at him, and saved his game, exiting out and turning off the console. He put on regular cable and sat back. "So, uh... are we good?"

It took Gavin a moment to understand what Michael meant, but when he got it, he nodded. "Yeah," he replied with a smile, "we're top."

"Alright, awesome." Michael stated. Gavin went back over to his closet and "stuffed" his boxer briefs before grabbing a pair of jeans. He put them on while Michael spoke. "So, uh, do you think boss man and Griffon are awake?"

"Probably, why?"

"I'm starving."

Gavin sighed. "You owe me."


	8. Loki is Real and His Name is Ray Narvaez Jr.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin meet Ray Narvaez Jr. for the first time and decides that he does not like him.

With Gavin and Michael being friends again, they became closer than ever, nearly insperable within the next week - and just about forever after. People were surprised at how fast it happened. They never went anwhere without each other (except the bathroom, because that would be weird), were always mumling to each other and giggling like they knew something everyone else didn't, and weird noises were sometimes the only things they used to communicate with. It was as if they were having a "Who Can Make the Weirdest Noise" contest. This continued on for a few months, uninterrupted.

Until Ray Narvaez Jr. showed up.

Geoff announced it a few months after Gavin showed up and Michael was ecstatic. Him and Ray had been friends since before either of them worked for the company - Michael even put up a video of them going on a "bro date" together in what Michael called the "early days". And that was fine. Gavin wasn't jealous or upset - he wasn't that type of person.

But what _upset_ Gavin was how crude Ray could become - and how awful of an influence it had on Michael. When Ray was around, Michael laughed at his jokes. All of them. Even ones that made fun of people like Gavin. Granted, he had no clue that Gavin was transgender, but _still_. It left him completely drained day after day.

It didn't stop once Ray finally introduced himself, either. If anything, it got worse.

"Hey, who's the pretty lady?" was the first thing Ray ever said to Gavin, and Michael nearly pissed himself. To Gavin's surprise though, Michael stopped laughing when he saw how uncomfortable the other was. They were in the Achievement Hunter office, and Gavin had been clearing off his desk in an attempt to make it cleaner - Ray, on the other hand, had been fixing his own so his set up felt comfortable. He'd noticed Gavin and walked right over to him with Michael, who had been telling him about how awesome it was here in Austin and all the cool shit they could do together.

However, Ray didn't stop laughing; only when when Michael stopped. "Hi, Ray. I'm--I'm Gavin."

"Whoa, wait, what?" Ray exclaimed, "You're - Michael you didn't tell me he was British!" He turned to face Michael, who was shrugging.

"Never thought to bring it up." he mumbled quietly, trying desperately to tape a paper to Ray's monitor.

"I--Yeah, I'm British. So what?" Gavin said, maybe a little coldly.

"Uh, no-nothing. Just uh, never met a foreign person before."

"Well m'not some, I dunno, carnival attraction that you pay to see and gawk and stare at and joke about, s'not really that excitin--"

"Gav. Gavin. _Gavin_." Michael had gone from taping a piece of paper to Ray's monitor to standing directly in front of him, waving his hands in front of the other's face. He was trying to get him to focus; Gavin didn't realize that he had spaced out out of anger. When he came back down to Earth, Michael was staring at him like he was an alien, but not in the way that he normally did. "Goddamn, dude. And you talk about _my_  short fuse."

"Yeah, well... it's bloody rude to call someone a lady who isn't one! I'm not calling either of you anything rude like that. And I just bloody met you, _Ray_. It's disrespectful." Gavin replied, talking mostly to Ray but looking at Michael instead. It helped with not getting angry. Gavin took Michael's still-up hands and gently pushed them down, giving him a small, apologetic look. He squeezed Michael's hands once and dropped them completely, walking off because it was clear whose side Michael was on, to go have lunch with Geoff. It was supposed to be him and Michael, but it seemed Michael was going to have lunch with Ray instead.

* * *

Sometimes, Gavin was glad he could fake it. His emotions, mostly. It made it a lot easier to cope with Ray, and with how him and Michael acted around each other. Geoff brought up "the incident" at lunch, having heard the ass end of what went on in the office.

"So... what's up with you and the new kid?" he'd asked, licking a bit of mustard off his finger - caused by the burger he was eating. "He like, do something?"

Gavin stopped halfway through putting a fry up to his mouth and dropped it back on his tray, his mood soured. "He--The first thing outta his bloody smeggin' mouth was like, 'Oy, who's this pretty lady?' or somethin' like that--I'm certain about the pretty lady thing--I just. I don't like him. I don't think I'll ever like him. Not after that."

Geoff swallowed his burger, trying to speak. "Do I ha--"

"And-- _And_ , on toppa that, _Michael_ had the, the _nerve_ to laugh. Bloody _laugh_! Like it was funny or something!" Gavin snapped, anger building to its breaking point. "It's like Ray has this Arsehole Switch for Michael and flips it every time they hang out - which is, I dunno, _all the bloody time_." Gavin sighed, sipping angrily at his soda, which Geoff had to admit was fucking adorable.

"Okay. So. I'm going to beat his ass, right?" Geoff finally asked, raising his eyebrows.

And Gavin actually through about it. It took him as long as it took Geoff to finish his burger for him to answer. "No, s'not worth it. He'll think somethin's up, an' he looks like the kinda lad who would just pry an' pry. Just. I'll handle it. And _no_ ," Gavin said, stopping Geoff's hopeful look, "I won't punch him or anything. Just ask him to stop."

"You sure that'll work?" Geoff said, "Just _asking_  him to stop?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, well, c'mon buddy. Finish up eating, okay? And don't let him get to you. He's probably just upset that you're all euro-hot." That got a smile out of Gavin and that was all Geoff cared about as he cleaned up the mess and drove them back to work.


	9. Sometimes I'm Scared, I Suppose.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin finally tells Michael what he has been itching to tell Michael since the first day they met - on accident. It never meant to come out of his mouth, but it did, and now Michael has to react.

It took until the six month mark of Gavin being in the U.S for the shine of Ray being there to wear off on Michael. And things mostly went back to normal, with Ray choosing to stay quiet whenever he was around Gavin. and eventually, Michael was able to balance his time with both of them. Gavin felt so much better when Michael finally started hanging out with him again. He was happy that he could go swimmies with his boy and get piss drunk with him. It was bliss.

Until one afternoon when they were both drunk, sunbathing when no one else was around because it was too hot, even for the pool. Gavin was helping Michael get sunscreen on his back, even though he hadn't tanned since the summer started. It didn't _mean_ to come out. It just _did_.

"I was born a girl."

Michael snorted, rolling his eyes under his sunglasses. But when Gavin didn't say anything, he sat up and turned to stare at Gavin, who had stopped rubbing sunscreen on his back and instead had clamped his hands over his mouth. It looked like he just told Michael his darkest secret. Which Gavin did. And all Michael could do was stare, but that was't helping, given that Gavin was beginning to cry and, for the most part, freak out. "M-Michael," his voice was small, weak, and cracking, like it sobered up very quickly, "S-Say s-something, ple-please."

"I--I don--I don't... know what _to_ say." Michael finally replied, putting his face in his hands. He half-sighed, half-growled, shaking his head. "I've--I've nev--stop crying, _please_!"

Gavin tried, but that let the flood gates open. He was panicking, officially. "I-I-I'm sorry, please, you can't tell anyone no one knows please I'm sorry you can hate me fore--"

Much to Gavin's immediate surprise, Michael lurched forward and grabbed either side of his face. He held it steady and looked him right in this eyes. "Calm. The fuck. Down."

And, much to Michael's surprise, Gavin did. It took a moment, Gavin's head shaking and trembling from fear - but it subsided the longer Michael held his face and soon Gavin had stopped crying, but was still trembling a little. "Alright. Good. Now c'mon, let's... let's get back to my apartment, at least. In case anyone accidentally overhears." Michael's voice had a calm to it that Gavin had never heard before, and he stood up, following Michael after he grabbed The Baby and their towels. Neither of them said anything until they were both settled on Michael's couch - at opposite ends.

It was Gavin who spoke first. "Yo-You're not--mad... at me?" He was curled up, knees to his chest on one end of the couch, almost pressed against the arm so hard it was turning his skin white.

"No. Just confused." Michael said, his legs up on his coffee table, eyes staring into nothing in particular.

"Con-Confused?"

"Yes, Gavin. Confused." Michael finally looked up at the other, who immediately looked away. "I understand why you freaked the fuck out on Ray now, but I'm just... confused. Actually, a lot of little things all make sense now." Michael bit down on his lip, squinting. "You're, a girl? Like, I-Have-A-Vagina girl?"

Gavin nodded, still not looking at Michael. "Yeah, but no."

"But you look and sound like a dude."

"Testosterone, since I hit puberty almost."

"Why?"

Ah yes. This question. He remembered when he first told Burnie. He had to explain it. So Gavin did. "Cos... I was born in the wrong body. _I_ was born a boy, but my body was born a girl, with all the matching parts."

"That doesn't make sense." Michael replied, turning his body so he could face Gavin. "But, continue."

"It's like. You know how you were born a boy, and you know you're a boy up here," Gavin tapped two fingers on his temple, "and you've known all your life, even when you were a little lad, that you were meant to play with hot wheels and action figures?"

"Uh. I have no idea where this is going, but yeah, I know that." Michael raised an eyebrow, definitely curious to see where this was going.

"Well, so did I. Except my parents kept making me play with dolls and everything was also frilly and pastel and _girly_. Then I hit puberty, and mum let me pick my own clothes. I went straight for what made me feel like me: the mens section. I was born female, but I always knew I was supposed to be a man. The testosterone therapy and later, um, top surgery, were just cosmetic. To help me feel like me. Make--Make sense?"

"I think?" Michael said, and asked another question. "What's 'top surgery'? And 'binding' mean?"

Okay. These questions were easy. "Binding is so that my chest is flat, um, we wrap - trans gender people, mostly transgender guys like me - so uh, we look more like guys. It-it uh, flattens our uh, tits."

"Do... you bind, or whatever?"

"Nope. I had top surgery. I don't have tits anymore." Finally, Gavin smiled, because he always loved that. Knowing he had a guy's chest with no breasts. It was a happy thing for him.

Until Michael asked to see. "Do you have scars? Can I see?" he sounded enthusiastic, and was already moving over to try and get a closer look.

Gavin went defensive rather quickly. "I'm not comfortable showing you."

Michael laughed. "C'mon, I'm curious! You had me fooled. Like, with it being flat." And then he moved forward. To mostly anyone, it would have been fine, but to Gavin, he knew what was coming.

Gavin braced, pressing his hands against Michael's chest. But Michael either didnt hear or didnt care, because he was grabbing at Gavin's shirt, trying to tug it off. It took Gavin shoving Michael back into his spot on the couch for him to get it. "Michael, _stop_!" he shouted, using his burst of strength to shove him off. The other took the hint and sat back, a little shocked.

"I--Sorry?" Michael tried to apologize, but they were back to square one, with Gavin curled in on himself, completely on the defense.

"I-I-I should... I should uh, go." Gavin finally said, getting up. He grabbed his phone and his backpack and threw his shoes on in a hurry, walking out the door in a rush. Michael was so shocked he didnt even bother to follow after him. That, and he could definitely a take a hint.

Gavin called Geoff in tears by the time he was in the stairwell, thinking that it'd be the last place Michael would look. "G-Geoff, can, can you come pick, pick me up? I-I wanna go home.""

Geoffs paternal instincts kicked into high gear and he hung up almost instantly, high-tailing it to Michaels apartment building. How he didnt get caught speeding, Gavin would never know- the normal half hour drive it would take Geoff to get there took him only ten minutes. Gavin met him outside, and almost immediately Geoff pulled him into an embrace, squeezing way too tight. "What happened?!"

"I-I got drunk, an-an' I told him. I-I let it slip Geoff, h-he knows a-and he tried to, to see the scars and--and I p-panicked and c-called you."

Geoff kissed the top of Gavin's head and just help him, and he held back, his arms wrapped around Geoff's neck. "I'm gonna beat him 'til he's dead, I fucking swear!"

"Pl-please don't." Gavin mumbled, allowing himself to be led back to the car. He detached himself from Geoff and got in, curling up in the passenger's seat. He stayed like that the entire way home, not even bothering to answer Geoff when he asked questions or tried to make small talk. And he knew why. Gavin was scared. He was scared of what Michael was going to do now that he knew about him. He was scared because he thought he fucked up their friendship. Of course, Geoff didnt know this for sure, but those were his best guesses. He kept talking to Gavin though; even if it didn't work or help, he knew that his voice soothed Gavin.

It deteriorated into Geoff singing stupid pop hits on the radio, who wasnt the best singer, but it cheered Gavin up some. By the time they made it to the driveway, Gavin was humming along with Geoff, his legs no longer up at his chest. They decided to stay in, Geoff telling Gavin to at least put his phone on silent. That utterly annoying ringtone had been going off almost every minute since they stepped in the door - like michael knew that they would be home and it would be a great time to start sending Gavin three million text messages.

"Don't even open them. Not now. Wait until tomorrow, when you're not emotionally compromised." Geoff said, and Gavin obeyed. He ultimately just turned his phone off; it helped a little more, and Gavin spent the rest of the day watching cheesy movies with Geoff and Griffon (when she got home). It was comforting, even though he wished he could sulk in his shed, alone. He ate dinner and clocked in early so he could just sleep this off. Hell, maybe this was just all a bad dream and he would wake up and be fine and not worry.

* * *

Unfortunately, that was not the case, and when Gavin woke up the next morning and turned on his phone, all those knots in his stomach came right back. Over fifty text messages had been left since he turned his phone off, and each one was more desperate than the last.

2:50pm >> Gavin, I know you're probably upset but I'm sorry, I didn't mean it  
2:53pm >> I'm sorry Gavin, please, I didn't mean to cross your boundaries  
2:54pm >> I shouldnt have pushed you like that  
2:56pm >> Gavin please, I'm sorry, I know you're mad but I'm sorry  
3:25pm >> Did some research, learned a lot, learned the general boundaries, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to push you like that  
3:30pm >> It was wrong of me to pry, please dont hate me, you know I didnt mean it  
3:31pm >> Youre my best friend, please dont be mad  
3:32pm >> okay, that was wrong, you can be as mad as you want, but please, please dont be mad for long, I know it was wrong now, i didnt mean to, youre my boi

And the messages continued, and continued. And continued. The last text was the longest; a four part message that had Gavin curling up in bed, never wanting to get out or return to work.

4:33am >> Gavinim k dirty...sorry, I didnt mear t o hurt you. I feel like s hut got trying ti rake your shirt of. Yuo proably hat e m e now, caurse y ou wont ans wet  
4:34am >> but i mear if, ik sorry, please d ont hatr me, i kile you, stipud. yer, ik drink.  
4:35am >> drunk. tried cakking yuo but your phines of. so i hing up. plese. i like you. nor liku s friend either. friend. lile more yhan one.  
4:35am >> sorry. ikk leve you alome mow.

Even though there were a lot of typos, Gavin got the general message and it made him never want to leave bed again. It had to be some sick joke, right? Ray was in on it, he was sure of that. Ray got Michael to send those last couple of messages, and was waiting at Michael's apartment to yell "Psych!" and record his reaction. Gavin wanted to throw his phone across the room, but didn''t feel like buying a new screen. Or phone. So he laid there instead, trying to think of what to say or do. Gavin didnt expect to hear his phone go off again.

He jumped in his cover of safety under his blanket. Not bothering to look at who it was (or just not seeing it), he picked up. "Hello?"

He was met with rapid Jersey-accented English, and he had to move the phone away from his ear. "Michael. _Michael_!" Gavin said into the receiver, loudly.

The gibberish stopped, and was replaced with a small sorry - so very unlike Michael. "Sorry, Gav."

"It's--It's fi--are you still drunk?" Gavin sat up in bed, holding the blanket against his body because he hadnt slept with a shirt on. "D-Did you even sleep?"

"Yes, n' no." Oh yeah, Michael was definitely still drunk. His Jersey accent that eluded Gavin so often was so out in Michael's voice now. "I-I tried sendin' a message. went straight ta voicemail."

"I--" Gavin sighed. "Geoff told me to turn it off, so I did. Told me to sleep on it, make a decision when I wasn't hysterical." Gavin brought his knees up and sat back until his back hit the wall. "An'... I've made my decision." There was silence on the end of the line, and then rapid-fire Jersey again. Gavin sighed and waited it out - from what he  _could_ hear, Michael thought that decision was not the good one. "Michael. calm down."

"You-you don' wanna be friends anymore?"

"No. I didn't--I--Michael, please. You've--you've not told anyone, you've not put me in any danger. Y-You just need to learn some things, yeah?"

More silence. Then, "So... you wanna be friends again?"

"Yes, Michael. Go sleep. You need it, yeah?"

"Yeah." Michael was quiet yet again, and Gavin was about to hang up, but he spoke again. "I wuz serious, too. I like you, stupid."

It was Gavins turn to be silent now. He was really, truly speechless, and he swallowed. "Yeah, course. Get some sleep, Michael."

"I-I do--okay. Gnight Gav." Michael hung up before the other could say anything, and that was okay. Gavin couldnt say much of anything anyway.

Groaning, Gavin hit the end button and set his phone in his lap, legs doing down. He settled in like that for a moment, until his door made a sound - like someone was knocking. Which someone was. Gavin, thinking it was Geoff (or Griffon), went up to get it. Instead he was met with Michael, who was shielding his eyes from the sun and resting against the door frame like he was going to fall over if he didn't. He didn't speak, even when Gavin opened the door and he lurched forward, pressing his body into Gavin's for support. and even though Gavin was taller than he was, he was thinner, and it was a little hard. Michael didnt seem to mind, or care, that Gavin was shirtless, and Gavin wanted to punch him.

He just didnt learn. But Gavin helped, pulling him into the shed. "S-orry, was gonna knock, but you were sleepin." he mumbled, resting his chin on Gavin's shoulder. "You're warm."

"Come in, why dont you?" Gavin mumbled a little coldly, sighing softly. He led Michael by his upper body to the bed. Rushing back, he shut the shed door and sat on the edge of the bed, frowning. "Alright, arsehole, you can sleep in my bed, yeah?"

Michael, although still sad, laughed. "I haven' even taken you onna date yet." he snorted at his own joke, like he was the King of Jokes, and shuffled further into the bed, until he was laying on his stomach facing away from all the light. Gavin noticed this and got up, shutting the blinds so it was slightly darker in the room.

"You can take me on a date when you're sober." Gavin reasoned - anything to get Michael to shut up and sleep. God, he hated drunk people. And yes, that included himself when he got piss drunk.

Michael went without much question, shuffing around just a little more until he was comfortable. Gavin scratched his head and went to work on getting Michael's shoes off - it was easier than he expected, because Michael was already passed the fuck out and snoring. Gavin rolled him onto his back, getting his jeans off too. He repositioned Michael so he was on his side, propped pillows up against his back, and left to bring his infamous puke bucket over on the side Michael was sleeping on just in case. He'd wait until Michael woke up to give him his aspirin, and went to shower and get dressed.

Gavin made sure to lock the door to save from anymore weird confrontations, and began undressing. He thought about a lot of things as he got in the shower and began cleaning himself; mostly about Michael and what he said, and if he really did like him. By the time he was finished showering and (very quietly) masturbating, Gavin decided that no, Michael had to be joking. No one ever like him like that, especially after finding out his secret. So it was ridiculous that Michael could ever think that.

Right?

Gavin got out of the shower and realized two things: A) he forgot his clothes, and B) he forgot his towel. He wanted to kick himself in the ass; how could he be so stupid?

Oh, wait, thats right. He never actually had drunken, idiot friends passed out in his bed, so it was never a fucking problem. Until fucking now.

Gavin would have to risk it. Michael was passed out anyway, so if he was quiet, he wouldnt wake up. And he did. He opened the door and peeked out; Michael was still passed out, so that was good. He opened the door fully now, body half hidden by the door. He was quick to run over to his makeshift closet; an alcove under his small second floor with two clothes racks hanging from the small ceiling for his shirts, a dresser for jeans and pajama sets, and a plastic storage bin with three open drawers for his socks, underwear, and other garments. He grabbed a towel from the tiny closer behind the clothes racks and started drying himself, trying not to pay attention to himself in the full length mirror that sat up straight in the corner. There were bright string lights that stayed on all year round around the entire room, even out into the main area so he could see when it was dark and he got home, as well as over a vanity that he hated but had to keep since it was a gift from his grandmother and grandfather. That held most of Gavins personal hygiene products (pomade and hair spray, deoderant, pimple removers, etc). He felt a little safer here, because Michael couldn't see him.

Gavin dried and dressed quickly; he wore his special boxer briefs, a pair of loose fitting jeans, and his two-tone American Apparel polo. He felt better now, and threw on socks so he could slide around the shed. Michael still seemed to be asleep, as Gavin checked - his breathing was soft and even, and he was curled around Gavin's pillow, nose facing in. It was a different Michael in his bed now; he looked youthful, peaceful (even if he was drunk), and kinda really cute. Gavin decided to grab his phone at that moment and snap a picture against his better judgement. He smiled after the photo was taken, just staring at this new side of Michael and deciding that yes, Michael was absolutely adorable like this. But he squwashed that thought quickly and got up from sitting next to Michael (practically brushing his curly hair from his face, which he had been close to doing) to go and find breakfast. He chose something simple: cereal. It was some organic alternative to Reese's Puffs that Griffon insisted on getting him.

It was surprisingly good, and Gavin found himself getting another bowl in the middle of watching some horror movie on his 100 inch projector. It was like, 28 somethings somewhere or some shit, and he wanted to stop watching it but the cinemotography was absolutely amazing, so he honestly couldn't. And that Hawkeye dude was in it, so, that was cool.

Michael woke up sometime around the 3pm mark, and Gavin was up and over there with aspirin and chilled water, holding it out. Yet, instead of going for him, he slammed his hand on the bedside table; he was looking for his glasses. "You weren't wearing them when you got here, Michael." Gavin told him. His voice was soft so it wouldnt hurt Michaels head.

" _Shit_." was the response he got. Gavin frowned while Michael sat up; Gavin went for the bucket when he started to turn green. Michael accepted it graciously and with lack of grace and hurled into it twice before his face returned to its normal, pale and freckled state.

Gavin handed him the aspirin and water and moved the bucket (he'd get Michael to clean it later). Michael took it and took the pills and downed them in one long sip. "Feel any better?" Gavin finally asked, taking the now-empty glass back from him.

"Like fucking shit." he responded, laying back in Gavin's bed.

"You really enjoy that word, yeah?"

"No shit."

Gavin smiled, setting the glass on the bedside table. "I see my boi is back. You were quite unlike yourself all night and this morning."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"Well, uh..." Gavin coughed, awkwardly and pulled his phone out of his back pocket, bringing up the messages that Michael had sent yesterday. He started at the top, at the beginning of the messages, and handed his phone to Michael to let him read through them all. Gavin could tell when he got to the last few, because his ears went red and he swallowed, sneaking a look at the other before looking away and handing the phone back. "Yeah. An' I know you were probably jokin--"

"I wasn't."


End file.
